TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
