I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
