when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
