you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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