He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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