Cold hands, warm shart.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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