I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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