I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
