I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
