Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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