I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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