Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
