How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
where are my eyebrows?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
