So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
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I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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