sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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