He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
