dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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