I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
