I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
