Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
