allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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