so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
