so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
