i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
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i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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