Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
