the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
