its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
