Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
My liver just broke up with me...
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
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He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
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Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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