My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
