U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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