I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
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