Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
