So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
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Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
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There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...