i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.