i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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