He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here