there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
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Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
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Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."