your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..