Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night

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  (248): I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night http://tfl.nu/pm2y
  Replies (5) Good night (1194) Bad night (610)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Probably.

  (216): View more from Ohio

  I'm in.

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  (216): Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word? (440): Probably. (216): I'm in. http://tfl.nu/bl31
  Replies (14) Good night (4275) Bad night (545)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband

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  (703): I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband http://tfl.nu/pijn
  Replies (91) Good night (17767) Bad night (928)
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.

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  (260): We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs. http://tfl.nu/wdfj
  Replies (9) Good night (1056) Bad night (3542)
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?

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  (504): why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats? http://tfl.nu/kev5
  Replies (114) Good night (1188) Bad night (3920)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.

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  (203): So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off. http://tfl.nu/cdqo
  Replies (10) Good night (5099) Bad night (876)
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.

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  (765): I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot. http://tfl.nu/xw8q
  Replies (12) Good night (3030) Bad night (967)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"

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  (214): I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?" http://tfl.nu/quj5
  Replies (15) Good night (7365) Bad night (945)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that

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  (778): you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that http://tfl.nu/wgi4
  Replies (6) Good night (1055) Bad night (2882)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me

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  (773): I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me http://tfl.nu/kij5
  Replies (9) Good night (1712) Bad night (903)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission

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  (408): Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission http://tfl.nu/3kcn
  Replies (6) Good night (2058) Bad night (650)
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?

  (208): View more from Idaho

  Beautiful, beautiful reality

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  (563): I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality? (208): Beautiful, beautiful reality http://tfl.nu/pfhr
  Replies (3) Good night (2098) Bad night (580)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.

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  (608): You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out. http://tfl.nu/pyc7
  Replies (3) Good night (1341) Bad night (633)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.

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  (215): I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back. http://tfl.nu/mir2
  Replies (3) Good night (551) Bad night (356)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning

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  (310): He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning http://tfl.nu/j6rj
  Replies (1) Good night (349) Bad night (538)

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