i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
