Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
