I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
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you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
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Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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