Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
