I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
