Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Randomize
