first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
