Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Randomize
