I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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