1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
