you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
