I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
