what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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