Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
