I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
