I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
