chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
