Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
