Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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