Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
you guys were way drunker than both of me
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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