I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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