I am in a vortex of obligation.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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