We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
soo... how was my night?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
