i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
there's paper in my vomit.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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