he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
