White coat. Heels.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
