did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
