she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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