i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
