the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
