My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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