It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
