This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
