Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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