DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
