i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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