So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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