I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
