i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
