wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
