my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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