Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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