Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
