Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
