im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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