omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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