Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
