This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
My hand turned me down
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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