I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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