It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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