There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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